My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
