I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
