No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
