that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
