I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
