I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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