Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
