I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
