what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
