So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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