things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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