I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
