Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
