Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
