dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
