Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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