How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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