I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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