So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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