Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
