Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Two words: nipple clamps
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