Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
