What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
