did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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