Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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