mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
