I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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