Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
