Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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