I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
