just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
