you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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