He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
