I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
