It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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