It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
