You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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