woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
