oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
