Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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