I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
