they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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