wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
