i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
