I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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