margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
