i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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