And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
