if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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