i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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